- Apr 4, 2018

My Happiest Happiness

I used to attempt to trick myself into thinking I was happy. I'd make up situations in my mind to make myself feel better about what was happening in reality. I'd pretend that certain people made me genuinely laugh, when I knew how forced those smiles & friendships were. I'd do what I needed to do to fit in, even if it hurt someone else. I'd behave a certain way to please others' way of life. I became someone I didn't want to be, to be around people that wanted me a particular way.

Something that I can say with confidence now, after 3 years of living my own way:

I AM HAPPY.

I have learned who I am, what I enjoy & who the Lord created me to be. Each day I choose to find more of ME in different things that I do. Yes, I have learned a lot since living on my own away from my hometown & the people I grew up around. Yes, you have to learn how to grow up quickly when you decide to recreate yourself & do it all by yourself. I have thought about how different I am & how much I have left to grow. Every situation that passes by teaches me about life & how I need to handle it in order to make me who God needs me to be.

I started looking at what phase of my life I began to be genuinely happy. What I decided to do, what I needed out of my life & how I began to then shape my world into what I wanted it to be.

1. Pray & be thankful

When you trust in God on the decisions you make. you will see the transformation in your life. I am in no way saying that life will be easy or that I am a perfect Christian. However, I can promise that as soon as you tell God that you want Him to control your life, no matter where He leads you, you will see the change. He will send you what you need, just as you need it. Whether it be the people He surrounds you with, a job you may need switched from, or a plan that He has lined up that you never saw coming. He will have your back. Pray to Him, thank Him & be ready, because He will change your world if you let Him.

2. Take out the toxic

You will hear this from anyone that is trying to get into a healthier way of life. I call it a "cherry knot" when my heart or stomach get that tight feeling while I am around someone that makes me tense. Admit it, as soon as you read that, you had someone pop into your head. Get them out. As soon as I hit "unfollow" or "delete" on those people in my life, I was able to scroll through social media without rolling my eyes or getting worked up. Yes, it may be awkward when you see them in public, but I promise, having that gut wrenching feeling everytime you see their instagram scroll by is way worse.

3. Tell yourself what you NEED to hear

No, not what you WANT to hear, what you NEED to hear! More positivity. If you need to feel beautiful, get your pretty self in the mirror & say 5 things that you LOVE about yourself, inside & out. Yes, you'll feel silly, but you will see a deeper beauty & that's all that matters. If you need a pep talk, set an alarm on your phone to give yourself a cheer before that speech or interview you have that day. Be your biggest cheerleader & talk POSITIVELY & REALISTICALLY to yourself. If you know you're not supposed to be involved in something that you are currently dealing with, tell yourself what you NEED to hear & get yourself out of that relationship, friendship, or situation before it goes any further.

4. Do what YOU want to do

Switch majors to do something that you actually enjoy. Go for that job you have dreamed of. Take a day to paint your nails, watch girly movies & eat any & every type of junk food that your heart desires! We all deserve a little "me time" every now & then. I wanted to do certain things in my life, so I began a notebook to write down different goals & next to them are dates that I want to reach it by. That helps me to SEE what I want to do & to push on to achieve it by then. But you know what, if I don't do everything right on time THAT'S OKAY too! Do things that you want to do, but don't be in such a hurry to do it. Enjoy everything as it comes.

5. Say "no"

If you don't want to do it, don't. If you feel uncomfortable with something, step away. Now clearly there's just some things in life that you have to do like pay rent & brush your teeth. Not really fun, but just part of life. However, if you are able to control it, you are allowed to say no. Even if it is something you do want, but isn't good timing personally, say no & find another time. There are some events & lunches & get togethers that I have to say no to, just because I am overwhelmed with work, or even just need to get my mind right from a busy week before. Just say no if you need to, I promise more opportunities will come along!

6. Say "yes"

Take chances! Try new things! Say "YES" to things that you are open to & even some you aren't, & see how it changes your life. I could I have stayed nervous about starting this blog, sharing my entire life, opening up for judgment & negativity that could possibly & probably come with it, but think of all the good I'd be missing if I had stayed in my bubble. I have been on amazing trips, met my very best friends & found even more of myself in this world that I never knew existed! You have to take a chance on what you want to try & not let the opinion of others hold you back!

7. Do not be hard on yourself.

You are going to mess up & have hard days. You have to keep going about your day-to-day life with confidence & positivity. I have days that I don't do a single thing that I had written in my planner. THAT IS OKAY! I sometimes wake up & wonder what my worldly & Godly purpose is & when I will be able to reach every goal that I & God have set for my life. It is not always smooth sailing; that goes for everything. If you fall down, get up & see what to do different next time. I wanted to stop trying on this site after just a few months, but I am so glad I didn't let myself stop just because I "wasn't good" at the time. I learned & tried harder & got to where I wanted to be. Even from here I have so much left to understand & achieve! You can't beat yourself up over a few mistakes, you just have to learn & grow from them.

Yes, I am absolutely the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Yes, I am so thankful for every single person that I can call on my bad days & complain about petty stuff to. I am so undeniably blessed with a life that I would have never dreamed of for myself. If I hadn't trusted in God, gotten the toxic junk out of my life & started doing what I loved to do, I would have never gotten here. I would still be doubting every move I made, trying to fit in & getting deeper into the darkness that was eating me alive. I had all of this on my heart to share with y'all, because even if I reach just one person that needed a bump in the right direction of their own happiness, then this late night -staying up too late- post is well worth it.

I love you all to the moon & back. Your support is the cherry on top of this incredibly happy life that I am so blessed to be living!

Ecclesiastes 11:9

"You who are young, be happy while you are young, & let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart & whatever your eyes see."

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